Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 
Were You Aware Of How Loud Your Verdi Was, Sir?

According to an article on the CBC News webpage, listening to Wagner can be hazardous to your health. At least if you're driving. Under no circumstances should you listen to his Ride of the Valkyries when behind the wheel. Apparently it's just as dangerous as polishing off half a tequila bottle and revving up the ol' engine block.

You can check out the article here: http://www.cbc.ca/arts/stories/drivingsongsno20040414

I actually find it vastly amusing that two operatic/orchestral songs rank amongst the top three "No-No"'s on the list. What I subsequently find disturbing is that while I'm quite familiar with all of the "won't-somebody-think-of-the-children's-eardrums?!" songs listed in the article, all of the songs they happen to mention there on the "safe" list I don't even recognize in the slightest.

In other news, I see that the *cough* escourt service in our apartment complex has come to an abrupt end with the...shall we say, administrative heads moving out. Yes, you read that right. I was rather surprised to find out that said service was being run not only in our apartment, but on our floor. Though on the other end of the corridor, so me learning about this entire thing after the fact is understandable.

Apparently there was an attempt to purge the entire escourt business from the complex, but legally they had done nothing wrong so their lease could not get revoked. Hell, there was a police sting operation to boot! All the superintendents could do was try to rack up enough complaints against them to justify giving them the boot. Again, I learned of this after the fact.

But it appears that in the end all this effort was somewhat unnecessary: the ecourt servicers (I confess I can't help but giggle as I type that) moved out shortly thereafter. I guess anonymity doesn't work when a john knocks on their door, and a bunch of heads from apartments down the hall poke out from the doorways, and everyone comments, "That's the third one in an hour! What is she, a machine?!"

Today's Lesson According To Mel: chocolate is usually better than sex. Unless it's hot wild monkey sex, which in fact is much better than chocolate.

posted by Phillip at 8:03 AM

 
Newton's Onion

One of Newton's basic laws of physics is that objects at rest tend to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. If that is the case, then the onion sitting in Mel's palm tonight was subjected to an unexpected surgence of gravity. In her own words, it "leaped out from my hand", whereupon the onion decided to bounce across our dining table, knock over a candlestick, skitter across our Go board, tumble down a chair and roll halfway across the living room floor.

As the onion finally came to a stop, thus ending its reign of carnage, I looked up at Mel and remarked, "On an unrelated note, I am never leaving you in charge of severed heads."

It was like witnessing that spectacular scene at the end of An American Werewolf in London, where a head manages to throw most of a London intersection into complete gridlock and pandemonium. Though I doubt we'll be seeing the film An American Were-Onion in Canada in theatres anytime soon. It would be so hard to find a convincing vegetable to play the part.

To quote Hobbes the tiger: "Just what is an onion's moviation anyways?"

Soup du Jour update: some kind of beef soup.

Today's Lesson: being able to laugh in life is important. Being able to cry is just as important.


posted by Phillip at 7:48 PM

 
Smells Like Andy Warhol

Well, first off I have discovered that my previous little bit of nowhere was not in fact rendered "textus caput". Instead, the operating blog mechanism behind it all just decided to let me think the entry had been wiped out, and let me hastily stitch together some half-assed recap...only to showcase the two of them back-to-back a few hours later for all to see.

Ergo, I'm calling that operating blog mechanism "Hellblog." Ideally we won't see much else of Hellblog in the future.

But enough about him. Let's talk about soup. Glorious "contains fortified meat chunks" soup in all it's Campbell's labelled splendour! I'll admit it: while I'm not fond of hot beverages (on account that I have a cat's tongue) I do enjoy a piping hot bowl of soup. Soup is good. Soup is a healthy facet of human existence.

Even still, I see no reason why the western stairwell in our apartment complex has to smell like soup all the time. And it's not the entire stairwell either; just the landing for the third floor. At least once or twice a day, I will discover that there's a new flavour of soup permeating the air.

Yesterday it was tomato soup. Day before that, I'm not entirely sure, but it smelled like it had a lot of vegetables. And the day before the day before, I am absolutely certain it was the scent of chicken noodle soup I detected. Today there is not yet a third-floor soup smell. I shall keep the general public updated whenever it is discovered.

I am still slightly bewildered at this, however. I enjoy soup. Soup is good. But soup everyday--and at that, a soup so powerful that its scent carries across the entire floor and into the stairwell--seems a little too much. Is there a soup fanatic on the third floor? Do they obssess about soup all day long? If I were to open their cupboards, would I see only rows upon rows of soup cans, which would make me slowly back out of the apartment, knowing full well the owner would be able to smell my fear? (Which would be impressive considering how much their apartment itself must smell like soup.)

I suppose it could be worse. It could smell like burnt sugar instead. Or alternately, a Parisean whore's pet gerbil.

Soup du Jour: unknown.


posted by Phillip at 8:31 AM